Inbox apocalypsehowcomm

[murderology]

IC INBOX (will make pretty later)

Comments

first day

[carmesi]

[one of the better things about living in the flophouse is that the tenants have no curfew. they can come and go as they please, mindful of the noise, of course, as others are prone to keep healthy sleeping schedules. no such thing for wanda, who disappears into the night most of the time for her own purposes of wandering about, and returns at any point past midnight.

with a jingle of her keys, she reaches the landing of the second floor and expects the usual: an empty hall, closed doors, and a quick retreat to her apartment.

except—]

...is there a reason you should be vandalizing the plants?

[by her accent, it's easy to tell she's not american, sounding more eastern european, her tone quickly spelling out her disbelief as she approaches this — guy, who is digging through... the pots?]

Or making a mess?

[all this dirt thrown about, dude.]

[murderology]

[ Most people might be embarrassed being caught doing something as weird and stupid as looking inside a random potted plant, but not Jerry. Though, when he looks up his eyes do indeed go comically wide — so much so his surprise seems to be an exaggeration as opposed to actually genuine. ]

Uhhhh. There are several reasons, actually! [ He steps back from the plant and wipes his hands free of dirt. When he speaks he does so with an insane amount of confidence considering the stupid shit coming out of his mouth. ] For one, there could be a key to a creepy torture and/or sex dungeon underneath the building.

Also someone might be hiding weed in there.

[carmesi]

[—wipes his hands free of dirt, specks of it falling back onto the floor. this guy—certainly new—doesn't know they all share chore duties, does he?]

You honestly think—

[it's so ridiculous, wanda doesn't know what to make of it. she motions at the plants, again, with an exasperated pointing.]

Have you done that to every plant in the building?

text; @gasstationjack

[stations]

So, I feel like I'd be a bad friend if I didn't tell you this:
The pink-haired guy who looks like a cow has hallucinogenic tea, and I'm pretty sure he's willing to share.

@jermiacumberbatch

[murderology]

jack-o-lantern you beautiful son of a bitchtits

[ He means, "thank you". ]

[stations]

You're welcome?

( He knows that's what it translates to, he just needs to make the point that it's totally absurd. For posterity. )

Don't freak anybody out while you're rolling. I'd like to make it at least three months before you do anything involving power tools or samurai swords. We're the designated representatives of our universe, we'd be total assholes if we made it look bad.

( Are they going to actually make it that full three months? Of course not. Shoot for the stars, though. )

[murderology]

[ Her question gives Jerry pause, eyes shifting very suspiciously before he answers. ]

Nnnno...?

[ Yes. ]

[murderology]

gasp! jack, it's ME you're talking to! you know as well as i do that i make everything look the opposite of bad!

[carmesi]

[this bodes exactly 0% well for you, buddy. wanda stands where she is, staring at him for a whole minute — actually expecting something else to come out of his mouth, and yet she finds herself receiving absolutely nothing.

what did she expect?

nevermind, focus.]

Are you new here? Are you supposed to be here?

[she's going to start walking up to him now.]

[murderology]

[ The nature of Jerry; he says too much when you want him to stop, and doesn't say enough when you want him to talk. ]

As a matter of fact, yes to both! [ He doesn't seem troubled by her advancing forward, even though she seems not at all happy right now. ] That other place with the fancy amenities was total squaresville. But this place has character. And looks less likely to have hidden cameras in weird places.

[ So far it's passing the test! Except for the weed test. It failed that. ]

[carmesi]

[this guy talks like he's come out of one of those teenage-filled american reality shows. wanda is having whiplash from some of the words he uses, but she Perseveres.]

Yeah, I didn't like the curfew option either.

[at least they can agree on something.]

—but here, we are all on cleaning duty. You can't go making a mess of everything just because you are looking for weed. [she points at the poor plant he was vandalizing] You could just ask if someone has weed.

[stations]

You already found a sword, didn't you

[murderology]

why do you ask that like it would be a BAD thing?

[murderology]

[ Jerry raises his hand in a halting motion. ]

Hey, hey, heeeey — that was only one of the reasons! Don't go rewriting history now. I also mentioned a possible sex dungeon.

[ And that clearly justifies making a mess of the place on his first damn day. Granted, he should probably be putting more emphasis on his search for cameras or any kind of bug, but the sex dungeon seems just as important. Every time there's a dungeon underneath a building that usually doesn't end well! ]

[stations]

How did you even find one? You've been here like a day and a half

[murderology]

now here's the genius part where you're gonna be all, "damn jerry, you handsome badass!" you ready for it?







i made one

[stations]

How??

[murderology]

easy! all you need is some sheet metal, a mop handle, and a whole lot of duct tape

[stations]

Oh sweet lord

Well, I have to give you credit for ingenuity.

[carmesi]

[wanda was willing to give him the benefit of the doubt, but at this point her expression has increasingly gotten more and more stern the more jerry talks.]

There isn't one.

[—far as she knows...?

she twirls her fingers in the direction of a corner outside of jerry's eyesight, using her magic to make a broom and a dust pan appear, casually leaning against the wall as if they had always just been there.]

I'll fix the plants and you'll clean up the dirt. [headtilt] Okay?

[murderology]

damn right you do

i named him johnson

[stations]

oh no

( he knows
he knows
he knows of all the future jokes about swinging his johnson that are yet to come
he can feel it in his bones )

Well, can we at least agree to come to a consensus before you use it on anybody? I get the feeling Massachusetts is a little less lenient about decapitation than back home.

[murderology]

That you know of.

[ He's not letting this go! Well, maybe for now, because searching potted plants and boxes of cereal for a secret key or bug is starting to get boring. This place is probably okay.

Jerry follows the motion of her fingers (pretty sure that WASN'T there before — he's more observant than he looks...or acts) but being put on cleaning duty distracts him from the fact. ]

Fiiine, but you have to say something if you find a skeleton key. Or weed.

[ Without much more fuss he grabs the broom and dustpan. Even Jerry knows when he shouldn't push his luck. It's really a question of whether he'll do it for shits and giggles. ]

[murderology]

right? what's up with that? anyway, sure. just casper van dien me when we're in a pickle and i'll take that as my cue to pull out my johnson

[ Yes he has indeed already started. Aren't you glad to have him back, Jack? ]

[stations]

( Yep, there it is, they made it exactly 1 text. This entire thing is just so, so Jerry it's actually a little compromising. )

I'm really glad you're here.